My Pisay Journey Part 1: The Rough Road to Healing

For those of you who never knew, I am from Pisay. It is the Philippines' premier high school, and we get paid to break our brains.

I broke my brain and my heart in Pisay. So many things happened to me that the pain still echoes dimly. If ever there was a part of my heart that had had an open door to rejection, it was increased in Pisay Diliman; because Manila high schools had a social structure much like the Heathers. Pisay was a milder version, because we were preoccupied with remaining in school; if we had grades lower than 2.5 or around 75% to 80%, we were in danger of being hauled off to the Guidance Office.

Pisay broke my ego; as a young achiever in elementary, I was hailed as a "genius" by my classmates in SPED. It was already a a school for fast-learning children, but for the first few years of my life there, I never left the top 3. I was even #1 for the first two years.

And even as I plummeted from #1 to #7, graduating 5th Honorable Mention (#7, coz you still need to count the Valedictorian, Salutatorian, then go to 1st to whatever Honorable Mention), my classmates and their parents still hailed me as the smartest kid on the block...

But Pisay broke my ego.

When I was swimming in the pool of the Philippines' intellectual crèmè de la crèmè, I lost my identity as "the smartest one"... For how could you stand out from the crowd of "the best"?? I lost a sense of who I was, among people hailed to be better than I am.

Among future scientists, doctors, physicists, top vets, I was just me, manic-depressive Lorie, who slept in Physics Lab floors and Earth Sci class, on top of the counters and tables, as my teachers droned on and on.

I loved the sciences as a child. I was 8 when I got my first microscope and I loved looking at pretty slides of microscopic flowers and... Pond water. I loved decapitating ants and squishing roaches. I wouldn't touch lizards nor rats though. Anything that looked like it had a brain is off-limits to me. I killed all insects I came across, and played with their poor bodies to death, save for spiders. I felt like they had brains too. I'd torture Daddy Longlegs, though. I'd split their bodies apart and let them walk on just a leg or two.

I'd read my Grade 4 science books and be able to recite pages from memory. I won a class contest, Boys vs. Girls, single-handedly, on the Skeletal system, with minimal participation from my teammates.

That incident sparked the Boys to study harder and cream us all, when I got cocky on the Muscular System.. Hey, as far as I'm concerned, the Gluteus Maximus is the only memorable muscle. Pardon the Freudianity of it all.

Then came high school. All the flurry of geniuses, teachers that didn't know what on earth they were teaching, teachers that KNEW what they were teaching (Thanks Sir Bimbo Marte! Thanks Ma'am Arre!), lessons that broke my brain, realizing that I am "not good enough" to be a part of this lot of gifted people...

It got me lost.

No more the identity of being the best. No more the understanding that I am special. I was just pathetic obese ol me who could not survive Biology or CHEM.

So after a year of sleeping in classes, on countertops, and on Physics lab floors, I went home to Iloilo.

Pisay Iloilo gave me the acceptance I needed. From the hostile "Heathers" like milieu in Pisay Dil, I got the family I needed in Pisay.

Incidents like my mom rushing to give me my lab coat amidst our incessant fights, hours of counseling with my Chem teachers (Thanks Ma'am Paciente!), mercy from Sir Ongcol for finally letting me pass Chem in order to graduate, getting that first flat 1.0 on an essay on the Jewish Holocaust from Sir Cerbo, being mentored by Ma'am YZ, Sir Barre and Sir Siena, hours of talking with Ma'am Val Gerochi, Ma'am Eileen Ocampo, challenging Ma'am Barlas as to the importance of stupid Algebra and Trigonometry (Then realizing today that I can apply Calculus' concepts of permutations and Algebra's one to one correspondence.. Or is it Geometry? In my job in WRITING for a certain software...), the three Filipino Beauties: Ma'am Sunico, Ma'am Silario, Ma'am Sinfuego, Ma'am Guiloreza with whom I share my faith in God, Sir Cario who taught me that I could be good in Turbo Pascal after all, Sir Quiros, who tutored me for a while, Sir Redoblo, whose guts I hated (haha we can laugh at this now, Sir, when you read this, if ever, hahaha!), hours hanging out in "Tita Becky" (Director Rebecca Yandog)'s office, Sir Lando Libutaque and Sir Pacaco of hated and dreaded P.E. (but I loved Health class. :p), Ma'am Cuenca, Ma'am Mena-Navarro, Ma'am Magno, Sir Cadornigara (whose beautiful shiny head is sooo memorable), Sir Olvido (Who thought I'd join Greenpeace; nu-uuuh! BTW, that talk with your bro is probably one of the most memorable moments in my existence.), Sir Almero, Ma'am Salinel... You guys really made me feel loved, despite my messiness.

One conversation with Ma'am Salinel was very healing for me: she told me that she was warned by my other teachers about me: I was demanding and I was sooo hungry for knowledge, but hard to please; but whose comment that I was actually a nice student really helped me understand that my teachers actually thought highly of me...

These people in Pisay Iloilo helped me understand who I was more; they helped me feel accepted. And while I still go blank at the thought of possibly needing to study the Periodic Table of Elements in the future, knowing how to comprehend HTML and CSS now gives me confidence that I can "do all things through Christ who strenghtens me."

Pisay Dil, despite the fact that the only memories that remain are those of my classmates in Diamond, some of my dormmates, the ACTS facilitators and Ma'am Taruc, who was a gentle presence in the dorm, the quirky teachers, the mataray but lovable dorm manager Ma'am Daniel, and her motherly co-manager (I forgot the name), Computron and Sacha Chua, the beautiful Saturday afternoons in the campus, as well as the misadventures, will always be a major part of my growth. Even through the pain and angst of adolescence, the rude awakening to social systems that were hostile to my sensitive heart, these memories remain poignant and fond. Pisay will always be a part of my makeup.

Pisay Iloilo is always going to be my family. With Graviton being so bonded because we were driven to excel in the class plays we presented, with the fact that we were constantly told that we are so-united that we needed to resort to having that "lunch buddy" program... Look where we are now, guys! We're one big happy family with our own reunions! There is mutual respect and love. And we... Beat what they said about us. We are still here. We are still going strong. And we are the bestest buddies of each other!!!


And lastly, it's funny how God orchestrates families. I never knew it would be so uncanny as the way He created this... But my bestest bestest buddy, my best friend non-parallèle, is.......


FROM PISAY.


Throughout the angst, the pain, and everything, I now understand that it wasn't Pisay which brought me pain; Pisay was a place that God had brought me to, in order to experience a lot of things; be taught a lot of lessons, and understand one thing: Love knows no boundaries. It is not bounded by negative things said to us, in terms of Graviton being blahblahblah. Love is not bounded by the evil experiences we had gone through. Love is not bounded by the things we needed to overcome. It is not bounded by batches, by campuses, God brings people together in order to love Him and love each other anyway.

Diamond 01 people, thank you. Your acceptance has really helped me overcome some things I had gone through. Thank you that despite my messiness, I was, and still am, a friend to some. Thank you also to those I had befriended apart from Diamond: to Jaja Campos, with whom I had shared a lot, including hosting, and my first shot at an online presence, haha! To Connet, now a comrade in the work-at-home biz, to Celina (Papic), Michelle, and Reina, whose excellence inspired me... To Derek, for your forgiveness and friendship; for caring. To MK, Michelle and Rachel, who were good roommates to me, and to KC, who has forgiven me despite the fact that I was mean to her.

And mostly, I am thankful for Vanek. For that moment in a coffee house in UPLB. For stepping out in faith and inviting me to Victory UPLB. Without you, I won't be standing here today, poised to go to church to Victory QC tomorrow. I would like to give you my profuse thanks, and the honor that you deserve as the woman who helped close the deal in my journey to God's arms.


I am thankful I have my Graviton family, from whence my bestest friends come. I am thankful for Jaja, for bringing us together via Grav Yahoo Groups... I am thankful for Kitchie and Monalisa, who provide instant company and instant sanity-in-a-box in this Anomic metro, I am thankful for Pam, who is lost in all the crazy med work. I am thankful for Thessa, who taught me that friendships could happen between "the weird girl" and the "popular girl". For Hedy, who taught me that I could still be forgiven. For the people I have not named, who had been a source of friendship nonetheless.. For Rafi, who was instrumental in letting me get published in Central Echo and in securing my partnership with Shelly. For Ervin, who took a chance in trusting me; thank you for the respect and the trust. You are a cherished presence in my life. And for Paula, who taught me the value of loving a person despite her PMS... And mine. :p

Thank you all, for passing through my life, and thank you more for those who remain.

But most of all, I am thankful for Gigi, whose presence in my life was sanity-inducing, despite what we had individually gone through.


Even through the miles, even through what we had to overcome, even through the obstacles that kept us from being nice to each other at times, thank you for loving me with whatever you could manage before. Thank you for the better-than-buttercaramel-ice-cream moment over Skype today. It sure healed me.


This is my Pisay story. From pain and angst, from the journey of losing my so-called identity as the so-called "smart girl," from finding, losing and finding the love of learning once more, my Pisay experience gifted with a big basket of love and happy people who love me and I have a chance to love. For friendships that lasted, even through discouragements. For friendships that go beyond the hair and skin care advice; for spiritual sisterhood that has lasted through turmoil and strife... And journeyed on to healing.

I praise God for using my educational heritage and weaving it to become part of my spiritual heritage...


And hey, Jaja and Gigi just told me that it's Thanksgiving next week. This is pretty timely, then. :D Thanks, everyone! I love you all!!!